How to Hold Your Breath Read online

  go and have a bath or something

  forget him.

  Dana stands at the window.

  Dana

  I tried that

  Beat.

  Jasmine

  you’re the one that is always telling me to move on, flick a switch in your head and let him fall out the back

  Dana

  and look what good that did you

  Jasmine

  I bet he didn’t even leave his number.

  Dana

  he knows where I live, he might come back –

  how far is the Adriatic?

  Jasmine

  the Adriatic?

  Dana

  that’s where he is headed

  Jasmine

  Dana, stop this.

  Dana

  something happened between us

  Beat.

  I know how silly that sounds.

  Beat.

  Jasmine

  aren’t you supposed to be getting ready?

  Dana

  why?

  Jasmine

  hello

  Dana

  oh god

  Jasmine

  you hadn’t forgotten?

  Dana

  what time is it?

  Jasmine

  ten to

  Dana

  shit

  Jasmine

  what has got into you?

  Dana

  I’ll make it I’ll make it

  oh Christ

  Jasmine

  I’m not going to bring you coffee

  I am not a waitress, a hand-maiden, I am not the

  fucking mother, you forgot about it, OK. You can deal with it

  Dana starts to rush around looking for some clothes.

  Dana

  I can’t believe this

  Jasmine

  where do you have to be anyway?

  Dana

  centre of town

  where’s my jacket?

  Jasmine

  I can’t give you a lift either, I am not a taxi driver, a chauffeur, you need a private secretary you get one I’ll ring you a taxi

  my car’s in the garage anyway so even if –

  Dana

  have you got a shirt I can borrow?

  Jasmine

  they’re all creased

  Dana

  what about that one?

  Jasmine

  this one that I am wearing?

  Dana

  yes

  Jasmine

  this one I am wearing right now?

  Dana

  this is an emergency

  Jasmine

  it’s a grant interview

  let’s be realistic

  Dana

  for a grant I really want

  Jasmine

  that you want so much you forgot the interview

  Dana

  please can I borrow your shirt?

  I am your sister and I need some help

  Jasmine

  a sister yes, but not a dependant unbelievable

  Jasmine starts to take her shirt off.

  So does Dana.

  Jasmine

  have my skirt as well, why don’t you?

  Dana looks at it.

  Dana

  no thanks

  Jasmine

  fucking cheek

  I have a job as well you know

  Dana

  oh heck, I was going to polish my shoes

  Jasmine

  no time for that. Here.

  Jasmine takes her shoes off and passes them to Dana.

  Dana

  you don’t need them today?

  Jasmine

  I’m not doing anything that is life-critical, no. anything else?

  Dana

  my brain to be in gear

  Jasmine

  you’re on your own there –

  Dana takes her shirt off.

  Underneath she has a mark.

  Dana

  I can’t believe after all this work I would nearly forget the damn thing

  Jasmine

  what’s that?

  Dana

  where?

  Jasmine

  under your bra

  Dana

  nothing

  She looks.

  nothing

  Jasmine

  what sort of sex did you have?

  Dana

  well, what is it –

  Jasmine comes over and looks at her.

  Jasmine

  looks like a hicky

  Dana

  oh

  Jasmine

  from a wolf

  who was this guy?

  Dana goes and looks in the mirror.

  Dana

  do you think it’s possible to fall in love at first sight?

  Jasmine

  oh fucking hell

  Dana

  I didn’t say I loved him, just

  She looks at the mark.

  just a hicky

  Jasmine

  exactly

  leave it alone then

  Dana looks again.

  Dana

  what time is it?

  Jasmine

  five to.

  Dana

  alright

  how do I look?

  Jasmine

  not bad

  Dana

  I actually think I should get some cream

  Jasmine

  it’s just a hicky

  Dana

  I know

  Jasmine

  please don’t get a thing about a hicky, I know this man spooked you

  Dana

  it’s just a bit sore.

  You know how my skin reacts

  Jasmine

  it probably wasn’t even him.

  Dana

  exactly

  it probably was there yesterday

  Jasmine

  well there you are then.

  Dana

  have you got some cream?

  Jasmine

  get some on the way home

  Dana

  what if he has done something to me?

  Jasmine

  there are no demons, right.

  Dana

  he said he was a god

  Jasmine

  there are no gods.

  Dana, are you serious? A god. You believe in gods now?

  Dana

  his semen was black

  Jasmine

  then fucking wash yourself.

  man’s disgusting. Yuk.

  Beat.

  Dana

  I will.

  after my interview.

  how do I look?

  Jasmine

  you’ll knock them dead. You know that? You always do.

  FOUR

  Dana in her interview.

  She sits on a chair, bathed in bright light.

  The voices of several interviewers seem to come from all around her.

  Interviewer 1

  Miss Dana Edwards?

  Dana

  yes

  Interviewer 2

  thank you for coming, Miss Edwards

  Dana

  no problem

  Interviewer 1

  we would like to go over some aspects of your application if you don’t mind

  Dana

  of course

  Interviewer 3

  when you said you would like to set up a research group could you expound your area of expertise?

  Dana

  Customer Dynamics, which sounds rather dry but is actually a new and exciting theory on customer–business relationships that redefines interchange of information and transactions using psychoanalytical modelling and techniques, likening the customer–business contact to other basic human interactions, such as love.

  Beat.

  sorry, such as lust

  such as friendship. I mean friendship, I don’t know why I said that. Such as friendship, and if you were to apply the right i
ndices to a variety of different forms of friendship after all –

  Beat.

  I’m sorry I seem to have lost my thread.

  friendship, mutual outcomes working together, that is the essence of what commerce is trying to persuade the individual,

  that the needs are mutual, when in fact of course they are different but –

  I meant to say such as found in original bartering-type cultures. We find the roots of all financial transactions in …

  She comes to a stop again.

  do you mind if I look at my notes?

  Interviewer 2

  take your time

  Dana looks at her notes.

  She puts them the right way up.

  She feels a bit hot.

  Dana

  the research I am doing is to try to pinpoint every human interaction into the same framework

  Interviewer 3

  you already said that.

  Dana

  I know I said that.

  could we turn this light down, only it’s shining right in my eyes

  Interviewer 2

  we don’t have a lot of time, Miss Edwards, we have quite a few candidates to see today, I am sure you appreciate

  Dana

  of course

  She feels like an idiot.

  She goes back to her notes.

  She re-starts.

  customer exchanges occur over a wide range of communication channels, and there is no distinction in these channels between other communications that the customer might receive. You might in the same second get a text from your partner, and then from your bank. To maximise the feeling of mutuality, should the text from your bank feel more on your team than from your partner? It is your bank, there to listen to you. It may take a role and a flavour, a character if you like. I think with the right modelling Customer Dynamics could go beyond the transactional nature of the interaction to look at emotions, intent and desires. If we start to view each interaction as a chain of events with a narrative –

  Beat.

  She has come to a full stop.

  oh, I see you are writing, I was wondering if you were still listening.

  Interviewer 2

  we are just making some notes.

  Dana

  I wondered if I had bored you

  Interviewer 1

  sorry?

  Dana

  I just meant –

  well it doesn’t sound, I know it doesn’t sound – the people out there are here to study Milton. And Dante and Goethe. They were telling me all this stuff about poetry, about our understanding of – well they can explain I didn’t really get it but … I wish you would turn these lights down I can’t really see you.

  Interviewer 3

  have you any other questions, Miss Edwards?

  Beat.

  Dana

  sorry I didn’t mean it is dull. I just meant, next to poetry. It’s important to our understanding though, of course, crucial and could add so much to the sales of an emerging business

  Interviewer 1

  thank you so much, Miss Edwards

  Dana

  I should have said that perhaps at the start. I think it’s important.

  Interviewer 2

  thank you

  Dana

  what about the rest of my presentation?

  Silence.

  She gets off the chair.

  OK

  OK I see

  shit.

  FIVE

  The library on the way home.

  A Librarian, a tall gangly and deeply precise man, is stacking books on some shelves.

  Dana

  sorry. Can I speak to you?

  Librarian

  if you would like

  Dana

  I mean I won’t disturb anyone

  Librarian

  this is a library, you have to be quiet

  Dana

  OK but I can talk?

  Librarian

  you can talk to me, you can’t talk to your friends

  Dana

  that’s OK, my friends aren’t here. Just me.

  She has tried to make a joke, it hasn’t worked.

  Beat.

  I am looking for a book about demons

  Librarian

  we are about to close, I should warn you.

  Dana

  oh. Should I come back?

  Librarian

  what sort of demons?

  Dana

  I am not sure. I was wondering if there are pictures of demons in literature

  Librarian

  pictures in literature?

  Dana

  well pictures, obviously not pictures. Descriptions

  Librarian

  plenty.

  where shall we start, Shakespeare, Proust?

  Dana

  Milton

  Librarian

  Milton?

  Dana

  does he have anything interesting to say about demons?

  Librarian

  Lots. Where do you want to start?

  Dana

  you tell me

  Librarian

  maybe you want to see our Milton specialist, they are in on a Wednesday, I can make you an appointment

  Dana

  I’m really only browsing.

  Librarian

  browsing for demon literature?

  Dana

  yes.

  Librarian

  you don’t have time to browse, we are about to close

  Dana

  OK, what about Dante? Goethe?

  Librarian

  you can’t just say Dante / Goethe.

  Literature is like the universe, a solar system. Dante and Goethe are different planets. You can’t dot about like this, picking names from anywhere. We have to start at the beginning. Era, context, meaning.

  Dana

  do you have any books that might help me?

  Beat.

  Librarian

  what is your specific question?

  Dana

  my specific question?

  Librarian

  yes

  Dana

  alright

  what happens if you piss one off?

  Librarian

  a demon?

  Dana

  yes

  it’s a hypothetical question

  Librarian

  I realise it is hypothetical, I am a librarian.

  Dana

  of course you are

  Librarian

  this is a library, the home of the hypothetical question

  Dana

  exactly

  Librarian

  have you pissed one off?

  Dana

  of course not.

  Dana laughs.

  The Librarian laughs.

  Dana laughs again.

  Dana

  yes

  Librarian

  very funny

  Dana

  what would happen?

  Librarian

  a god or a demon?

  Dana

  both, either

  Librarian

  so something powerful?

  Dana

  yes

  Librarian

  that you pissed off?

  Dana

  yes

  Librarian

  lightning would strike I guess

  Dana

  in literature?

  Librarian

  in literature

  Dana

  can you be a bit more specific?

  Librarian

  can you?

  Dana

  alright, say the demon thinks he owes you a debt, but you didn’t let him pay

  Librarian

  a demon wouldn’t get into debt

  Dana

  well, say he did

  Librarian

  how could he?

  Dana

  just hypothetically say it had happened

  Librarian


  but we are talking about literature here, right?

  we are taking our examples from literature, so we only have the examples that other people have written. It isn’t like a phrase book

  Dana

  OK, I just thought there might be some guidance. don’t you think they are out there, they might be an owner of a business or someone who robs you in the street, or a father who is abusing someone

  Librarian

  it’s a bit different

  Dana

  every age must have their equivalents.

  Librarian

  I only really know about literature and –

  Dana

  the library is about to close

  Librarian

  exactly

  Dana

  I was just asking what literature said of pissing off someone like that –

  Librarian

  in literature someone who classed himself as a demon wouldn’t like to have a debt. He will work really hard to make sure he doesn’t owe anyone anything. That is the basis of selling your soul. Devil or demon, they are the original transactional creature.

  Dana

  so if he did think he owed you something?

  Librarian

  he wouldn’t

  he would find a way to pay it

  Dana

  you seem very absolute about that?

  Librarian

  I don’t know all of literature, I am mainly a classicist

  Dana

  I understand but what about a mark? Might they leave some sort of IOU on you?

  Librarian

  like what?

  Dana

  I am talking hypothetically

  Librarian

  of course you are

  Dana

  because we’re in a library

  what if a demon were to leave a sort of a sore –

  Librarian

  on your body?

  Dana

  yes.

  Librarian

  I would have to look that up.

  Dana

  well could you look it up?

  Librarian

  now?

  Dana

  yes please

  Librarian

  I could but we are about to close.

  Beat.

  I could look it up in the morning but tomorrow is my day off. I could look it up on Tuesday if you like.

  Dana

  OK

  Librarian

  but if a demon left a sore on my body, I wouldn’t like it. The mark of the devil, well it’s not going to be good, is it?

  Dana

  isn’t it?

  Librarian

  I wouldn’t have thought so, no.

  Dana

  hypothetically